The Queen’s Croquet Court
The Lord Chamberlain’s official coup de grace against Mr. Nick Griffin M.E.P.,ceremonially barred from the Queen’s Garden Party, was down to “discomfort”, “political party purposes” and increased “security risk”. ‘Cor Blimey, is this persona non grata such a “discomforting” demonic presence as to cause mayhem at the gathering of the good and the great of polite society or even jeopardise the very life of the Monarch? Are the reportedly million or so voters, that elected Mr. Griffin to represent them as a Member of the European Parliament, fools? Let them eat chips!
As so often happens, it was the unelected rent-a-mob red-brigades at the gates of Democracy who seized the day. Another “discomforting” example of the anarchy on the streets that can sway even the sober minds of Royal officialdom.
Perhaps similar “discomfort” may be shown, over tea and regal cakes, to the presence of the invited politicians, generals and bureaucrats who continue to send the nation’s brave young men to butchery in Afghanistan. Indeed, a question Mr. Griffin was purporting to respectfully ask of the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces.
Do Her Majesty’s advisors feel the same tinge of “discomfort” when being informed of the privileged antics of Her grandsons, the pampered pin-up Princelings Harry and Billy, whose “active service” to Crown and Country usually ends up with a hangover or paparazzi photos in the muck of tabloid circulation wars? Noblesse Oblige!
This destructive ethos of celebrity culture, so evident in the discomforting demise and tragic end of their late mother, the populist ”People’s Princess , should be a bitter lesson learned. Grow up, quickly, boys!
Mr. Nick Griffin is a high-profile politician, for which he can thank the press and television. A legitimately elected official , albeit of a besmirched party, and as such a spokesman for the concerns of his constituents. If he refuses to join the ranks of the sycophants who parade under the banners of self-deprecating political correctness. Within the democratic process that is his choice.
Exclusion will only exacerbate the resentment and fuel the feeling that the country accommodates a pageant monarchy, more concerned with the protocols of ceremonial and circumstance, with the courtiers of consensus ”political purposes” conducting the orchestra of advantage and opportunism. Our long-reigning Matriarch should feel “discomfort” in more ways that one.
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And ever, as the story drained The wells of fancy dry, And faintly strove that weary one To put the subject by, “The rest next time- ‘It is next time!’. The happy voices cry. Thus grew the tale of Wonderland: Thus slowly one by one, Its quaint events were hammered out - And now the tale is done, And home we steer, a merry crew, Beneath the setting sun.
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To the Queen’s Garden Party - the dress code.
Most people like to dress up for their special day. Gentlemen wear morning dress or lounge suits [one thinks, rather “discomforting” in hot weather] while ladies wear afternoon dress, usually with hats or fascinators. “National” dress and uniforms are also often worn ( however this may still debar the wives and concubines of certain Commonwealth notables, given that their indigenous attire has a deshabillee flavour; cold comfort?). Fancy dress is discouraged. No pets, which may cause “discomfort” to the canine Royal Corgis. [But there is still the conundrum of the “burka”, to which our noble peer, The Earl Peel* GCVO**, may have to pull out all the green zone stops on “discomfort”, “security risk” and “political purposes” censorship.] So raise the “double standard” over the very eccentric English croquet court.
[ Yes, one can look at England through rose-tinted glasses.]
Which nicely takes one back to croquet, and a simple introduction to the game of hoops and balls.For the uninitiated, croquet is a tactical struggle with each player trying to manoeuvre both their own and opponent’s balls to make points for their side, whilst restricting their opponent’s chances of doing the same by careful positioning of the balls at the end of the turn.
Association Croquet is played with four balls; black and blue versus red and yellow, on a court containing 6 hoops and a centre peg (see diagram below, dimensions in imperial yards). The game can be played as singles or doubles, each player in doubles playing with a particular ball throughout the game. Each ball must run the set course, as shown in the diagram, going through each hoop twice in a specified order and direction and then hitting the peg. The side which first completes this course with both balls wins the game. Thus the winning side has 26 points to score - 12 hoop points and the peg point with each ball.A ball scores a hoop point when it passes right through each hoop in its correct order (runs a hoop) in one or more strokes. The point is scored whether the ball is struck directly with the mallet or with another ball.Clips coloured to match the balls are placed on the hoops or peg to indicate the next point for each ball. The clips are placed on the crown of the hoop for the first six hoops and on the side for the second circuit.
Simple isn’t it; if you have a well tempered level playing field on which to play the game!
Disclaimer- “Off with his head” -Literal meaning. That is, ‘chop off his head’. It is now usually used humorously as a means of mildly reproaching someone. Malice aforethought -Usage notes: This is a legal phrase, but it is used humorously in general language.
*The Lord Chamberlain.Amongst this courtiers duties in the Royal Household the role is also, effectively, the official censor of theatrical performances! The self same esteemed office that has put the seal of approval on performances that include blasphemy, gratuitous nakedness and foul-language in the nation’s playhouses and public auditoria.
**GCVO - Grand Cross of the (Royal) Victorian Order (knight) - IMPRESSIVE what!
Recommended further reading - “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking Glass” by Lewis Carroll.